I'm sure all of you are very glad to be finished with exams. I'm nearly absolutely positive you have tired of being asked seemingly pointless questions about the circumference of Pluto or the birthday of some deader-than-a-doornail tsar from the 8th century. So, I will try to limit the number of issues requiring extensive cognitions in this article. In fact I will only ask you one simple question.

If someone calls you a tchotchke, should you be offended?

Though I believe that question stretches the meaning of the term “simple,” the query still stands. What in the name of Sir Isaac Newton is a tchotchke?

First: a word about pronunciation.

Any attempt to pronounce this strange little word without guidance will leave you in a slobbery pickle, so to speak. Unfortunately, tchotchke has as many pronunciations as consonants. It's up to you how you want to say it. Some say “choch-key”; others prefer “choch-kuh”; still others favor “sots-kuh”; yet others fancy “cot-kuh.” The list could go on. (For simplicity's sake I recommend  the first pronunciation.)

Second: a sentence or two about origins.

The first known use of the word in English was in 1964, but it had been around for several centuries before that. You see, the term means something similar in Yiddish, (but more about that in a minute). Since Yiddish has been around since the 10th century, we can easily assume that tchotchke has been used for at least 1,000 years. A word worth knowing!

Third: a discussion about definition.

The definitions of this word vary almost as much as the pronunciations do. Some define it as a “frivolous trinket” (see the accompanying picture). Others say it means “a sweet girl.” In Yiddish it means a “misfit, bum, or nobody.” The number of variations can be attributed to the length of time the word has been in circulation. (For example over time, the word “stink” changed in definition from “smells good” to “smells bad.” )

Fourth: should you be offended?

It really depends on the situation. If, for instance, your little brother calls you a tchotchke during an epic argument over the efficacy of deodorant, he is probably not calling you a sweet girl. Contrastingly, when the pizza delivery boy calls you a tchotchke, he's probably trying to be nice (however, you should still be offended).

To avoid confusion and/or impending embarrassment, it would be wise to limit your use of the term to a description of the pointless bits and bobs sold by toothless vendors in dark alleyways.

So, my little tchotchkies, fare thee well.

(I'll leave you to figure out whether or not that was an insult.)

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