DISCLAIMER: This is an April Fool’s spoof, and should be treated as such. Please don’t believe anything that you read. Thank you.


Steamed Milk Twirling Catches On!
by Aidan Grano

Watch out, rhythmic gynamistics; a whole new trend in whirling, spinning, and twisting is headed for the world's stage. Tiffany Yonts of Arizona has put on her first public performance of her new stylized dance routine involving expresso and steamed milk. As part a new advertisement campaign for her coffee shop job, Yonts demonstrated her skills in the art of steamed milk twirling by accident. A mishap at an expresso machine caused her to manipulate a hose of steaming milk in such a way as to create large-scale abstract art around her coffee shop using only steamed milk. The rest was history.

Yonts was then almost immediately recruited by her manager to put on the show once per day. The coffee soon began selling tickets, and Yonts began doing nightly shows. Although her shows are usually messy and involve large amounts of milk, steam, expresso shots, and whipped cream, she has quickly gained an almost cult-like following in her hometown. Soon, word spread of her artistry into the far corners of Arizona. In a matter of weeks, travellers began arriving at her coffee shop only to find her shows sold out for weeks on end. Their solution? Camp out until more tickets became available.

Rumors began to spread last week that a major advertising agency was on its way out to Arizona to see Yonts perform. The rumors were verified on Thursday when Yonts announced she had signed a two-year, 2.4-million dollar contract with Food Fight, Inc., the famous culinary advertising company. The company plans to shoot Yonts in three one-minute TV spots and get her several early morning talk shows in order to raise awareness about her performances. Yonts is also scheduled to go on tour around the East Coast beginning in May.

According to Yonts, it doesn't take much to be a good milk-twirler, "All you need is a high-power steam hose and a high pain threshold." Her art ranges from abstracts like a recreation of Jackson Pollock's Galaxy to her steamed-milk-and-expresso version of the Mona Lisa. She hopes to train with a professional dancer and artist in order to get a better grip on her wildly exploding career.