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Welcome to the badlands of Australia, the home of the extremely peculiar sport of cockroach racing.

Cockroach racing utilizes a unique racing format, largely because of the difficult hardships faced in trying to direct several cockroaches to run in a straight line. Multiple cockroaches are placed together in a clear box, which is in turn placed upside down in the center of a circle drawn on the ground. At the signal a steward picks up the box, and the cockroaches sputter out aimlessly in all directions. Whichever cockroach crosses the boundary of the circle first wins.

As you might expect, the first cockroach race in recorded history took part as a consequence of an argument between two inebriated fellows in the city of a Brisbane. Apparently lacking anything else better to boast or discuss, the two individuals argued that the fastest cockroaches in Brisbane came from their respective parts of the town. Eventually, they held a race in a parking garage pitting cockroaches against each other in order to prove their claims. Thus, an unprecedented sport experienced its birth.

Since then, cockroach racing has become a regular part of the celebrations during National Australia Day. Amidst the celebrations hailing the uniqueness of their country, Australians leap at the opportunity to add to that unique mystique by partaking in a variety of cockroach races. Cockroach racing even has a generous side, with all proceeds from the races going to charity.

Australians take their cockroaches seriously. In one town, Eulo, you can even see a granite monument erected as a tribute to one champion cockroach named Destructo, who earned his (or is it her?) place in cockroach racing history by winning a head to head race against the lizard champion of the World Lizard Racing Championships. Sadly, following the race a drunk accidentally stepped on poor Destructo, sending him to a premature death. In his memory the townspeople built the monument, which now stands as a reminder of Destructo’s unforgettable feat.

Similarly to many other international sports, cockroach racing frowns upon the use of cockroach steroids, more commonly known as coffee and sugar. Use of those illegal substances by cockroaches can often lead to penalties or fines. Perhaps we should hope that this remains all that cockroach racing bears in common with other international sports. Most of the moms in America, and many other countries for that matter, would probably not react well if cockroach racing became an Olympic sport.

 

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